


Memories of Growing Up

by Matilda_Am



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Elves, Gen, Growing Up, Original Character(s), War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:35:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25047760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matilda_Am/pseuds/Matilda_Am
Summary: After several hundred years in the war, Legolas looks back and realizes that he does not remember his childhood or how he grew up.
Kudos: 3





	Memories of Growing Up

«Once upon a time, it was very easy for me to walk on the earth.  
Once upon a time, I didn't say harsh or offensive words.  
Once upon a time, when I didn't even know her  
And didn't have a sword...»

I had almost forgotten what it was like to run, to feel the warm wind singing cheerfully around me, to smell the flowers it brought, to listen to the rustle of fresh spring leaves, and to smile brighter than the sun. I have almost forgotten it, but not quite yet. Because although my growing up inevitably flows forward like a rapid forest river, I am too grateful to my childhood to forget it.

I had almost forgotten what it was like to read hundreds of books, telling my parents any improbable fact, and listen to any master of his craft with wide-open eyes. I had almost forgotten what it was like to reach for knowledge with the same tenacity as a small but bright yellow flower that sprouted on the road. When you grow up in these dangerous forests, the only thing you think about is survival.

But I remember learning to survive. Being a child and then an overly responsible teenager. I remember every training session and every word of my weapons master. I remember perfectly, because the training was designed to make me grow up.

I also remember a lot of parties, but I don't remember having any real fun since I was forty-seven.

I can hardly remember my first fight, in fact, it's something I'd rather forget. It was pretty cool, but I definitely didn't win that time. And it didn't seem cool to my Adar at all!

Funny thing is that I almost forgot even my mother's warm embrace. I only remember how it seemed such an integral part of life that I felt a strange discomfort, not feeling the gentle touch of her hands for a long time. I thought she would always be with me. My mother. I didn't understand how I could live without her. Well, after a thousand years, I couldn't help but get used to her absence. 

I mock my former self. 

However, my sister has our mother's talent for healing broken hearts, our mother's smile and our mother's laugh, although she rarely allows herself to laugh. She doesn't remember that, of course. She was too small. 

Her childhood ended much faster than mine, and I'm very, very sorry.

But not that growing up is all bad.

Your parents no longer scold you for torn trousers, broken vase and eaten chocolate. You will no longer be put in a corner to be laughed at by your little companions.

And now I am finally free of the nightmares that have so often woken me, my parents, Galion, and everyone else who was unlucky enough to be around. Now I face these nightmares in reality.

And sometimes I think...

Oh, Eru, why did I grow up?

I shouldn't have grown up so fast.

Why did I pick up a sword? Why did I go on that first patrol that cut deep into my heart, and all the subsequent ones that covered my poor heart with a cold, rough shell?

It was my duty to forget my childhood, to forget my youth, to forget everything except maturity and the right decisions. And I did my duty.

But at what cost?

I want my childhood back. What a pity that I can not find it in the dark...

But I believe that one day there will be peace in our deep and dark world, I do everything for it, and when that happens, I will have an eternity to be a child. No one can hear about my growing up.


End file.
